Confusions and Complexities

So, it's been a while since I have written in any kind of prose style. Poetry has been a bit overwhelming in terms of my creative direction.

For me, emotions are things to be felt, acknowledged, and then guided- kept in a certain amount of check. People who are over-emotional, or excessively passionate, annoy me. I enjoy rationality, calmness and logic in my life. Now, this isn't to say that I am a cold-hearted, unfeeling bitch. Not by any means. I do have emotions- happiness, sadness, anger, love- I just know when they are irrational, and I always try to maintain a degree of perspective, where my feelings are in balance with what is causing them.

However, recently I have entered a world where this is not the case. Things are complex, and I can't unravel the maze in my head. And I hate it. I want my romantic life to be straight-forward, I want people to say things when they mean it, and tell me when they don't. The thing is, my love entanglements are never, ever like that. I seem to choose partners who are either emotionally immature, emotionally out of control, or emotionally malicious. As the common theme to all my past relationships and flings is me, it begs the question; what is it exactly that I am doing so wrong? I doubt it's a subconcious masochistic desire.

And, oh my god- I can't help it, I would do anything to stop it; I think I'm falling in love with the wrong man. There's no one I can tell.

I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

Music- John Mayer- Edge of Desire.

xxx