Single because...

An article in a magazine I am currently reading featured four (successful and pretty) women who explained why it was thoroughly their fault why they were single, and why they are thoroughly enjoying it. I whole heartedly agreed, as I find that recently too many people I know are being defined by whether or not they are 'attached'.

In our culture, most of society is geared towards (women, especially) finding that 'perfect' date; THE ONE, him (or even her), someone who completes you, and to whom you can belong in a nice, snuggly bubble of eventual wedded bliss. It's unfortunate, but true, that if you are consistently single and proud of it, then you must be either cold and unfeeling, terribly unlucky in love, or a womanizer/man-eater. Whether or not someone has a partner changes your entire perspective of them, and definitely how you behave around them. Rules change, boundaries move. And so they should- at least in sexual terms. But they should not supersede in importance all other qualities about the person; although quite often I have seen this girlfriend/boyfriend status take over the individual's personality.

Therein lies the problem. I'm sorry, but I do not want to be defined by anyone, accidentally or not. I do not want to belong to anyone but myself. A series of unfortunate dates and relationships in my early teens left me single at the age when most other people were discovering the joys of partnerhood. This, I think, stood me in good stead for my attitude now. I was able to grow up alone, with just me to think about, just me to annoy and to be hormonal around- minus the give and take, and cooperation of a relationship. Here is where I see the key difference between me and quite a few others I know. I am perfectly OK being alone. I am happy being single. I don't constantly hanker after another to hold me up, support me. Because I know that I can do it myself.

I do not hate relationships. They can be a fun, thrilling, butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of joy. The chase is exhilarating. I love the excitement that you get when you realise that the person you like might actually like you back. But I do not need this to feel normal. And, to be honest, sometimes all that stuff kind of annoys me. When you have to chase harder than the other person is chasing you, when you have to curb yourself so you don't immediately frighten them away. I am nowhere near perfect- in fact I am catastrophically flawed- but I like myself the way I am. If someone happens into my life that feels the same way about me, then great. I am not afraid to run with it. But I don't need to go looking. Yes, I understand that relationships come with compromising parts of your life, but one thing I am not willing to compromise for another person is me, myself and I.

Music- The Raveonettes- Suicide.

xxx