Single because...

An article in a magazine I am currently reading featured four (successful and pretty) women who explained why it was thoroughly their fault why they were single, and why they are thoroughly enjoying it. I whole heartedly agreed, as I find that recently too many people I know are being defined by whether or not they are 'attached'.

In our culture, most of society is geared towards (women, especially) finding that 'perfect' date; THE ONE, him (or even her), someone who completes you, and to whom you can belong in a nice, snuggly bubble of eventual wedded bliss. It's unfortunate, but true, that if you are consistently single and proud of it, then you must be either cold and unfeeling, terribly unlucky in love, or a womanizer/man-eater. Whether or not someone has a partner changes your entire perspective of them, and definitely how you behave around them. Rules change, boundaries move. And so they should- at least in sexual terms. But they should not supersede in importance all other qualities about the person; although quite often I have seen this girlfriend/boyfriend status take over the individual's personality.

Therein lies the problem. I'm sorry, but I do not want to be defined by anyone, accidentally or not. I do not want to belong to anyone but myself. A series of unfortunate dates and relationships in my early teens left me single at the age when most other people were discovering the joys of partnerhood. This, I think, stood me in good stead for my attitude now. I was able to grow up alone, with just me to think about, just me to annoy and to be hormonal around- minus the give and take, and cooperation of a relationship. Here is where I see the key difference between me and quite a few others I know. I am perfectly OK being alone. I am happy being single. I don't constantly hanker after another to hold me up, support me. Because I know that I can do it myself.

I do not hate relationships. They can be a fun, thrilling, butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of joy. The chase is exhilarating. I love the excitement that you get when you realise that the person you like might actually like you back. But I do not need this to feel normal. And, to be honest, sometimes all that stuff kind of annoys me. When you have to chase harder than the other person is chasing you, when you have to curb yourself so you don't immediately frighten them away. I am nowhere near perfect- in fact I am catastrophically flawed- but I like myself the way I am. If someone happens into my life that feels the same way about me, then great. I am not afraid to run with it. But I don't need to go looking. Yes, I understand that relationships come with compromising parts of your life, but one thing I am not willing to compromise for another person is me, myself and I.

Music- The Raveonettes- Suicide.

xxx

TATTOOOO

Yesterday I got my first tattoo, and I think it looks stunning. Drawn by Claudia Di Rossi of Frith Street Tattoo in Soho, London, it's a collection of blue flowers and olive green leaves that crawl up my shoulder. I love it so much- and it's true, they're addictive. I definately want more, soon. The pain wasn't that bad, either. There were moments when the needle went over the bone of my shoulder blade when it did hurt quite a bit, but on the whole it was just a bit uncomfortable. After a while, it even felt like a small vibration on my skin, which felt strangely nice.

I would sooo recommend the experience, and anyone who is scared should throw away their fear because it really isn't that bad. The art work you are left with, something that will always be with you and on your body, is well worth it.

I will post a picture soon, but atm my camera is fucked for some obscure reason.

Music- Miami Ink.

xxx

I Am...

Hungover
Robbed
In need of a job
Broke
Slightly embarassed
Bored
Naked

It seems to be one of those times when things are just... unfortunate. I'd call it karmic realignment. Now, I'm not a spiritual person in any way imaginable, but I can't help feeling a nagging suscpicion that the frequent and flippant rudeness that passes as my wit will eventually come round to bite me on the arse- and not in the fun way, either.

Anyway, P is coming round in a bit if he doesn't go to Church so I had better shower. I doubt he really wants to see me looking like I've just scrawled from a sweaty, heaving pit of human euphoria. Which of course, I have; Hype at Fabric was awesome.

Oh, and Rosé kills me. I have decided to become abstinent.

From wine, not from life.

Music- blaaargh

xxx