GP 09

I cannot wait. Many outfits have been considered, half-baked, and then abandoned. But I feel that I have settled on a rather easier (and cheaper, considering I will essentially be wearing a sheet) costume; toga girl. The stupidly vague (sorry, Pride London- it's true) theme of 'Come Out and Play' left me with endless choices of what to be for the parade, but I think a little Greek influence in the (hopefully) sunshine will be fun.

I already own a toga which I created for an house party aeons ago, and plenty of gold woven accessories thanks to my obsession with nautical fun. But what to do for hair and make-up?

I'm feeling bright nails, false eyelashes and lashings of eyeliner. A bouffant, styled hair-do would not go a miss, either.

And of course, my rainbow flag.

Bring on the lady fun. I am here, I am queer (half), I am one step away from complete nudity; welcome to Gay Pride London.

Music- Buckcherry- Too Drunk...

xxx

P.S. In other news, I bought a super cute 80's vintage black bolero with a swirly applique design on the shoulders. It is gorgeous and I have wanted a jacket for aaaages, so I am pleased.

Therapy For The Poor

I find perfection uninteresting. Yet I crave it all the same. In others as well as my self; and when they, or I, don't meet my expectations I find that I cannot deal with it. I freak out, and I suspect it's about control. I don't know why. This is bad- because if nothing is good enough, then what is left? I can look on the situation with detachment, and I can analyse to death, but I can't change how I feel. I know that every relationship, friend or lover, goes through ups and downs, but I'm afraid that I'm running away. I want to know why I give up so easily.

Music- Magistrates- Heartbreak.

xxx

A Fantasy

I call him.

Shaking hands. Painted nails, number 001 noir. Dialling, three rings. He picks up.

"Hey."
"I was wondering if I could come over?"
"Um... yeah, of course. Sure."
"Is anyone in?"
"Er, yeah. They're downstairs. Why?"
"Do you want to come here?"

Silence.
Shaking hands. Sharp teeth nibbling on the soft skin of my lower lip. I am being forward.
His voice is darker and it sounds like a smirk.

"Yeah. I'll be there in fifteen."
He hangs up.

A moment to sit and feel the weight of the phone in my cold hands. Running down the stairs, bare feet on padded carpet, hard wooden flooring. Unlatching the door fingers quick, it is discreetly ajar, and fleeing.

Upstairs again, dizzy with hot breath too short for comfort. Undressing. I press a button. Music fills the room, a little bit cigarettes and alcohol, a little bit guitar. It is too warm. A bead of sweat appearing in the cleft of my top lip.

Black taffeta. Smooth, pale skin, the fabric rough to the touch. A contrast. Delicious. Stockings, sheer and colouring in my thighs. A tiny electric shock as a nail embeds itself in the soft whiteness of flesh. Mussed hair and kohl eyes, rouged cheeks and red mouth, wet. Perched on cream linen like a delicate and terrified bird with racing pulse fluttering against breasts, escaping in the hollow of my collar bone. I am not sure where to look.

I wait.

xxx

Music- The Horrors- Scarlet Fields

A Belated Post At 00:36

I am exhausted. Clearly the fiberoptic lure (or should I say glare?) of my computer screen was too much to resist, because I am perusing old favourites with sleep-shuttered eyes.

Anyway.

Whilst I am here...

Is it possible to have three types of people in your life: friends, friends whom you are attracted to, and others?

Let me explain my point.

For me, a person who has odd- if not a somewhat frosty- view on life and relationships, it is easy to create boundaries and distance oneself from... sticky situations. In my life I have friends. These are people with whom I share a bond, and most likely an unfortunate sense of humour and a few (too many) shots of tequila. I have friends whom I am attracted to. This is not in a "I can appreciate how others would find them attractive" kind of way; those people are simply friends. These are people whom I find attractive, and yet the relationship remains mutually platonic and I don't feel the need to jump into bed with them; primarily because I am not sexually attracted to them. And then there are the others. The people who I either do not know, have not yet met, dislike, outright loathe, would like a relationship with, or want between my.... sheets. These people might even be my friends. This works for me, and maybe I categorise my life too much, but I have distinctly different feelings for each of these people. For me it is possible to have three types of people in my life.

I hope that made some kind of sense. ;)

In other news, it's exam time. Life and people suck, but I have a rock 'n' rollin' new hairstyle- inspired by electroindiefoxtailpop starlet, La Roux.

Au revoir, ciao, auf wiedersehen, and whatever goodbye is in any other widely spoken foreign language.

I wouldn't hold your breath for another post. ;)

Music- The half-silence of 1am in suburbia.

xxx